Ouch, Charlie - that really hurt!
May 14th, 2008 by Koen
I’ve been struck a hard blow. My friend told me I used to be thoughtful. And that I used to be someone who wasn’t afraid to talk about difficult subjects. She said that she can tell from my blog that I am not that person anymore. I’ve been angry at her and at this whole blog thing ever since.
I’m a relative newbie to blogging. I’m sensitive to criticism, especially as I’m just learning how to gather and share my most personal thoughts with the entire world. I’ve certainly been guarded. I’m stretching my legs and attempting to discover where my own boundaries lie in terms of what is and what isn’t appropriate. I must assume that anyone could visit this site, including my grandmother. This assumption may limit the breadth of my discussion here.
The thing that bothers me the most is that my blog is now a representation of my identity, and can be used against me by those who want to know (and judge) who I am. I suppose I hoped this site would provide a window into my life and existence for those with limited access to my attention. I also publish my thoughts and experiences in the hope that I will be able to connect with new and already good friends all over the world.
What I write on this blog may exist “forever”, but that doesn’t mean that it is a perfect reflection of me all the time. Like everyone else, I am always changing. Of course, I can be held accountable for anything I say, and I’m more than willing to have a conversation about anything at all, either in person or in the comments.
I know deep down that what my friend said was unfair, but I took it pretty personally and have been having difficulty writing anything ever since.
I am missing your regular blogging updates. I really enjoyed reading - and found that your writing was true to the person I knew you to be - even if that was a person I knew quite long ago. I can see in your blogs the happy go lucky side of you- and the side that is trying to not get swept under by the waves of negativity that sometimes creep into our lives (which some of us - me included- are more prone to than others). A blog is a challenging thing. We enter small parts of ourselves on it but it is not the entirity of who we are. Or rather on different days, weeks, months it shows different aspects of us. I think that’s fine. Your blog makes me feel happy - I like knowing what is going on even though we don’t talk in real life all that much anymore. Maybe it satisfies a part of me that would still really like to talk more in real life - but life has gotten in the way.
Anyway I hope you come back from your blogging doldrums. I miss you.
Blogs are NOT autobiographies, are they? I use my blog space to be “who” I am at any given moment…not “what” I am. God, looking back at some of my entries, I’d say I’m an absolute lunatic, with bi-polar disorder, and a tendency to ramble on and on about things that no one else could give a shit about.
Tell your friend, through your blog, to stick it and stop using put-downs.