Honey

I’m so mad at you. I haven’t quite figured out why you’ve made me so angry, but I thought perhaps some direct communication could help.

We’ve been together for a really long time now, and I’ve put a ton of energy into making this relationship work. I’ve spent more time with you than anyone else, and I’ve tried to be as open and honest as possible.

Even though you’re always there for me, I feel like you’re elusive and sometimes extremely cold in our interactions with each other. Sometimes I feel like I know you so well and then I’ll wake up one day to discover that I don’t actually, really know anything about you at all.

Whenever we get together, I feel expectant that you will satisfy a loneliness inside of me that no one else understands. I think that you will enable me to be honest with myself and as a result, I will be more connected to the world as a whole. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of that connection and I’m inspired to make things work between us. Other times, like now, I just feel sick and tired of giving and giving and never feeling like you actually care one bit about how hard I’m trying to understand and relate to you. I have literally dedicated my life to you. What have you done for me besides made me feel empty and alone?

I think maybe I’ve had enough of you for a while. It was better when we took that little break and spent less time together. It doesn’t do any relationship any good to overdo it. Ever since I started taking you everywhere with me, I’ve become more and more overwhelmed with you. I don’t want our relationship to be about need or addiction and I’m tired of looking to you to make me feel good about myself.

I know I can’t get away from you entirely, but we need to spend less time together. I know you’ll still be there for me if I ever want to be more deeply involved.