Honey

There’s a wide open space between my brain and my skull that’s all filled up today with a thick cloud. My eyes are heavy and hollow. My day has been an endless succession of staring problems, but fortunately I’ve not been caught in focus on anyone’s test assignment like that one time in first grade.

I was a new student at Faith Baptist Academy in Syracuse on that very strange day that sticks hard in my memory. I wonder now at the idea of taking a test in such an early grade. It’s impossible to know the nature of a test given to six year olds. No matter.

I do know that I felt all those familiar feelings of achievement so typical of my first five or so years in school when I finished before anyone else and turned my test over on my desk. I began daydreaming immediately, and lost track of myself as I thought about how smart I must be to have finished first.

An older student (FBA was K-12) was looking into the classroom and saw me staring at another student’s assignment. I was having a staring problem, and I didn’t even know it.

Confronted by my teacher (someone who had previously earned my trust, but never again after this day), I was afraid of some unknown consequence. She assured me that although my cheating behavior was reproachable, I would not be punished and was given a warning instead. I was extremely relieved.

A child’s day is long, and so the morning’s trouble left my mind completely. When my teacher told me to follow her, I assumed I was being led to a reward for how smart and good I was. When she took me to meet the principal in his classroom, I was greeted warmly. I was sure I would be recognized for something great that I had done.

The principal took me to his office. A line of young boys stood along the wall with terrified looks on their faces. A couple of girls huddled around the vice principal’s desk.

I don’t think I understood what was happening until I was told to bend over the vice principal’s knee. She cried more than I did as I received a light spanking with a ruler. It didn’t hurt, but the confusion and getting hit by unexpected consequences sure did. I had it good in comparison, though. The boys were beat with a heavy board with holes to allow maximum momentum, and the principal obviously enjoyed this part of his job very much.

I’ve been as cautious as possible ever since this unfortunate event to maintain control over my staring problems, although I’ve had a number of close calls over the years.