An emotional morning
October 6th, 2008 by Honey
I burst into tears this morning as I prepared breakfast for Miso and Farmie. It’s amazing how fast and how suddenly a wave of emotion can crash over me and then I am trying with all my might to let the feelings pass through unobstructed. I allowed myself to cry, awkward sounds emitting from my nose, mouth and eyes, while I completed my morning tasks in the kitchen. The dogs barely noticed, wrapped up as they were in Pavlovian anticipation.
I am most susceptible to real, actual crying in the morning. I’ve found myself crying in my car on the way to work, or even on the bus. Usually, I’m triggered by a song that I never knew offered an emotional connection I could cling to. This morning I was crying, and wondering why I was crying, and not knowing why I was crying at all.
No matter how butch or boyish I am, I am still absolutely, every bit a woman. I realize that my body and my heart are subject to subtle cycles of change of which my mind has no real understanding. When these moments of intense emotional surge threaten to crumble me to pieces, it is all I can do to let myself be crumbled.
Thank you so much to everyone who emailed, messaged, texted, called, and commented to wish me a happy birthday. I can’t begin to tell you how much it meant to me to know that the people I care about were thinking of me and thinking of me fondly. And to my new (and old) blog friends especially, Jennifer, Jess, Leo, Lori, and Tina, thanks for all your comments lately! Knowing wonderful people like you are out there reading all this stuff makes it all worth it.
Related posts
- The Story Lady
- But wait, there's more
- Coffee: Love and Grumpy
- On a Hike
- Things are going well so far
I think everyone: female, male and everything in between needs to cry.
It’s just easier for some more than others.
I wish I would cry more often.
If only to just automatically win a fight with Jess.
I hope your bday was awesome!
I can completely relate to this post. I’m officially coming out of the closet as a crier. Sometimes for no apparent reason, I can burst out in tears. Sobs. When I feel it I release it. I think it’s a healthy release, and definitely don’t feel that it makes a difference whether the person is masculine or feminine. It’s natural.
I love reading your blog. You and I have many things in common. It’s too bad there are so many miles between us or I’d insist we grab a beer and shoot the shit sometime
Peace.
Aw, you’re a peach. Happy belated B-day!
In my experience/opinion…Being emotional is only gender specific because we teach boys to ignore their feelings. And true strength is letting sadness wash over you and knowing you can move past it.
Thanks so much everybody, for your great comments. I think that you’re right, extreme emotions are not gender specific. I suppose what I was trying to get at was that in this moment, for me, I was experiencing myself as a woman, in juxtaposition to my everyday experience outside of feeling like a man or a woman. Gender continues to be a wonder to me, especially as I grow to be more accepting of myself in all aspects of my identity and perspectives of the world around me. Sometimes, I feel like a man, sometimes like a woman, sometimes like something else altogether. I can’t say that my experiences of myself as any gender has anything in common with anyone else’s experience of their own gender. I was also making a not so obvious attempt to reference my awareness that these feelings were coinciding with my monthly cycle, which to me feels very womanly indeed.