Honey

I almost couldn’t do it. After all that excitement last night and then the lack of sufficient sleep and then a love rally in the morning, I really didn’t think I could muster the courage to show up at a party where I was sure to know no one.

I skipped another social engagement I would have thoroughly enjoyed today because I was slammed with exhaustion. I sat around all day, reading a very good book that is difficult to put down (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close). I must say, this is one of my most enjoyed states of being: tired, relaxed, with nothing else to do but read a delicious book. Yum.

After a day of complete relaxation (but no napping because I didn’t want to lose a single minute), it was hard to imagine going to a party all alone and being my charming, good-looking self for a bunch of strangers. Especially after a day of dedicated edification, I am likely to be a blabbering fool with a few more embarrassing moments than flattering ones. I gathered up all my conviction and self esteem though, jumped in my trusty pickup, and hustled through a few cold Portland neighborhoods to reach my destination.

I felt awkward walking into the house. There were only a couple of people who had previously arrived. The fire was blazing and the hosts’ home was cozy and felt safe in that way I particularly like. I sat down in a hard back chair and tried to smile a lot while sipping my tea and nodding at the most profound and interesting opinions shared by the small crowd that began to form.

A large emigration from the living room to the back yard left me inside with the nonsmokers and conversation came light and easy. I got to know a few people tonight, and have decided that getting to know people is one of my most favorite things to do.

The more people I meet in this life, the more they run together. I see my loved ones and old friends reflected in facial expressions, gestures, language. I’ll wonder how two people I have known from entirely different places and times can be so similar and evoke the same feelings and reactions in me. It’s easy to just take all that love I feel for that person from so long ago and apply it to this person I hardly know at all. I never tell them, though. I like to keep some things for myself.