Honey

Q: How much do you love Farmer?
A: A lot.

Q: What do you love about Farmer?
A: Her face. Cute fuzzy face.

Q: What is Farmie doing right now?
A: Farmie is sleeping on the velvet dog bed filled with memory foam.

Q: Does she like it?
A: It appears that she does.

Q: What did Farmer do today?
A: Farmie laid around then she had a snack then she went to the park and then she went to bed.

The end.

Agent and I had the most awesome party last night. It was a drink and ping party, with much laughter, drunken ping pong, and lively conversation. Our very talented friend took amazing pictures that captured the spectacular moments with great clarity.

Mmmm…yum.

We’ll have gluten free pancakes this evening because pancakes are delicious. Even though the pancake mix is made with no gluten, they taste just as good as gluten-filled pancakes. (Except they have a horrible after-taste and they’re very grainy.) Ha ha ha ha ha ha! (I was just going to say that we don’t have syrup, which would be a huge bummer, when suddenly, our roommate called and will be picking some up on the way home.)

As in “gay married”. We signed the papers, got them stamped, got them signed by the clerk and now it’s all official. Now to continue our endless honeymoon together…

Sometimes I don’t feel at the top of my game. I get beat by the same things over and over again, no matter how many awesome ways I adjust my strategy. After enough dead ends, I start feeling a bit broken and tired. Usually, this comes in waves and I’m faced with multiple areas of my life in which I’m experiencing recurring failure.

I know that if I keep trying, I’m likely to break through and become a better, more confident person as a result. There was one problem at work though, that I never solved. It was a major problem and I spent long hours, late into the night, attempting to find a solution, for over three months. The solution never came and eventually I was forced to give up and let it go. This was one of the hardest times for me, when I realized that not everything is under my control and that there are some problems that don’t have a solution.

In theory, I know that I suffered during that time because of my attachment to ego. And I continue to struggle with that part of myself that is defined by the successes and failures in my life, large or small. I use these rises and dips in ego to feel like I know myself as all those characteristics I’m trying to portray to the world: intelligent, thoughtful, coordinated, creative, and kind.

Agent is my voice of reason, and will usually remind me of how all these little nicks in my ego are just trivial folly in the whole scheme of things. There are so many more important things in my life beside the little pegs that hold up my identity. She helps replace my insecurity with confidence as I head out to face the world again.