Honey

There are times in my life when I want to move into a little house across the street from my office and dedicate my entire existence to my job. I imagine pouring every ounce of energy and every last second of my time into this singular purpose. Life would be so simple and satisfying, if only I didn’t care about anything else.

Sometimes I dream about dedicating my life to a spiritual path. I picture myself in Buddhist robes and a shaved head, finding absolute joy in sitting still for hours and providing selfless service to my community and to the world.

My own personal classic fantasy is to live in an airstream trailer, with few possessions and fewer desires, traveling the country meeting all kinds of people. I’d just hang out and chill, without the ongoing pressure of bills and responsibility and all those other things that make life complicated.

These ideas always fall apart, however, when I consider the reasons that I experience so much happiness in my life. I would be lost without the love and fun I have with my family. I’d be miserable without an office to occupy each day. I’d be bored without weekly adventures in Portland. I’d certainly be confused as anything else except exactly who I am.

As terrific as it would seem to be to live a life with only one goal, one purpose, and one meaning, I live with (and enjoy) far more complexity in my daily experience. I wholeheartedly appreciate the neverending challenges presented by a multi-layered life. Finding balance in the things that occupy my passion and my energy is a difficult but rewarding exercise that keeps me constantly looking inward at my own priorities and identity. I can surely lose myself in any aspect of life and neglect another part of myself. When I tilt, I can feel it in me, all over the place.

The tab on my tea this morning said something I remember as “Dazzle the world with your grace, compassion, and kindness.” I’m sure it didn’t use the word “dazzle”, but since this is one of my favorite words, I insert it into my memory as often as possible.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of grace ever since. I find grace to be a very complex concept, all tied up in behavior, attitude, enlightenment, and well-being. I haven’t bothered to look up the definition, cause I don’t want to spoil it for myself.

Mainly I’m wondering how I could live more gracefully, let alone dazzle the world with my graceful behavior. How do I represent a state of grace appropriately?

Grace is a beautiful idea. I imagine myself walking a few inches off the ground, any movement subtle and ultimately smooth. I have a sweet half smile permanently attached to my face, a settled-in look of quiet awareness. Nothing I do or say is awkward or strange. I picture myself with perfect athletic ability. Nothing I do hurts anyone in any direct or indirect way. I am confident and strong, but not overbearing, aggressive, or righteous. I handle conflict with respect and compassion.

Okay, now I’ll ruin it, cause I always have to know what the web thinks about things.

I guess I was right about the complexity. There are 20 definitions for the word on dictionary.com. My favorite definitions are:

• elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action
• a virtue or excellence of divine origin
• favor or good will

Here are the lyrics to the title of this post:

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found, Was blind, but now I see.

T’was Grace that taught my heart to fear. And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear, The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come;
‘Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far, and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me. His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be, As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil, A life of joy and peace.

When we’ve been here ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun.
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise Than when we’ve first begun.

Cooking is one of those activities I have never liked. It always took longer than I had before I was absolutely starved. Cooking for myself always seemed pointless and I’ve had girlfriends who generally enjoyed cooking more than I did.

All of a sudden I had an undeniable urge to make food that wasn’t macaroni and cheese. Agent has cooked consistently and wonderfully for me for over 6 years. I’m certainly not facing a necessity to prepare my own food. Nonetheless, after experiencing this longing to cook, yesterday I successfully prepared soup, salad, fish tacos with homemade pineapple salsa, and wheat-free white cake, all from scratch. I loved every minute of it. I also loved satisfying my desire to cook so completely.

I followed recipes for the most part, but also attempted to add my own personality by modifying the ingredients. This felt so much like the perfect balance between scientific experiment and making radical art. I love knowing that there’s absolutely no limit to the knowledge and experience that can be gained. Cooking is such a basic need, something that must be done no matter what. How lucky that this necessary activity has so much potential to be a really fun experience.

I hope that wanting to cook and my discovery of this fascinating creative act continues.

Especially during the holiday season, but also year-round, I try to remember all the reasons that I am happy to be alive. It’s been real easy over the past few years to be thankful for all the friends, family, my work, my health, my home, happiness, my furry creatures, and a million other wonderful things.

Now, I finally have a place to record and count my blessings, iAmGrateful. Started by Agent’s brother, Dustin, this site gives us a tool to experience appreciation in our lives. As I have realized through my own life, being grateful only leads to more gratitude and more happiness. Joy is free and infinite.

John Jones is now a Life Coach and has created his first web site: Full Potential Strategies. His thoughts and ideas are right in line with my own. I’ve greatly appreciated John’s newsletters for periodic inspiration.

Have you seen The Secret? If you only watch one movie your whole entire life, let this be the one. Since seeing this movie, I have received a perfect job, the cutest puppy ever, a fabulous housemate, an awesome pickup truck, and my dream house. What more could I possibly want when I get everything I’ve ever wanted?

This is a good life.