Honey

I’m a long way from home this week, hanging out with a bunch of CF nerds (ok, I’m one too) in Washington, D.C. We’re in a ginormous convention center, impossible to describe. My coworkers, Barney and Joshua, are here too. We had a great time today playing a modified version of disc golf outside the curtained bounds of the common conference area.

I’ve had the most fun talking with other developers from all over the country (and beyond). I enjoy talking about technology and the web, what’s possible and what’s awesome. The primary topic of discussion, ColdFusion, is especially close to my heart.

I’m one of a few women in attendance. I’d estimate approximately 5% of the folks here at the conference are women. I even saw a big butch lezzie, identifiable by the familiar wide hips and spiky hair. Unfortunately, I think there is an unspoken law about speaking to each other, because she refused to even make eye contact. What’s up with that? Here we are, a couple of techie dykes in a sea of bald / long haired white man weirdos, and we can’t talk to each other? I guess it could be presumptuous of me to assume that we would actually have anything in common.

Although attendance is 95% men, and proudly logical men at that, there is a good sized helping of good old fashioned drama in almost every session and key note address. ColdFusion has a bastard step child, an elite set of name-droppers, and a throng of masses who seem to bend and sway with the community’s latest “cutting-edge” ideas.

I want to remain objective. Even though I’ve used (and loved) ColdFusion and other web technology for years, I struggle to feel like I belong here. As my queer friends dedicate their lives to a grueling life of social service, I spend most of my time with a mainstream population that may sometimes briefly reflect me in human and occupational mind only, but mainly makes me feel like an outsider. It’s confusing for me, especially when I long to grow exponentially as a programmer, but have limited resources to do so.

There’s something mysteriously cool about the quintessential woman who is a programmer (especially a hacker) but usually only when that woman meets our current social standards for what is deemed sexy. She’s straight, visually female, young, skinny, and hard to get. She reminds me of the typical straight man’s fantasy lesbian, someone who appears out of reach but will ultimately cave for a man’s attention.

Does it make any difference that I am not the gender or sexuality of the typical person in attendance at this conference? It seems it would matter less if I only proved my enthusiasm for any relevant discussion, and these outward, distracting expressions of my identity would just fade away. I would be perceived and treated like just another CF geek. The flaw in this idea is that I became tired of proving myself a long time ago.

As Barney explained on his blog, these conferences are made up of at least 2 dimensions: the sessions where I might learn a thing or 2, but more importantly, the chance to converse with like minds about technology we all use and usually admire. I enjoy seeing and talking with the people whose names are behind the blogs I read and the frameworks I use. Deep down, I know that I fit in as much as I think I do. As long as I separate myself through the eyes / perception of the unique aspects of my identity, I will continue to feel out of place and alone. As soon as I open my mind to these nerdy white guys (and realize that I am one of them), I will accept myself entirely and allow myself to recognize my place in this sometimes dysfunctional but mostly friendly ColdFusion community.

Agent and I had the most awesome party last night. It was a drink and ping party, with much laughter, drunken ping pong, and lively conversation. Our very talented friend took amazing pictures that captured the spectacular moments with great clarity.

This is Kate. Kate plays poker with us and frequently wins all our chips. It’s also her birthday. Happy Birthday, Kate!

Do you believe in superheros? Why or why not?

Had you asked me whether or not I believed in superheroes a decade ago, I would have, without reservation or hesitation and as much authority as a seventeen year-old can muster up answered you no, absolutely not, that’s ridiculous. This is one of the many areas of my life that I can now, with the same clenched fist authority, tell you, with absolute certainty, that yes, in fact, I do believe in superheroes and could give you their number if you needed.

Take for example, my friend Bearded Jason. Bearded Jason often claims that if he were to take on an alternate identity, it would be Plain-clothed Amish Man. While this might not be the kind of superhero identity that would sell comic books, it fits Bearded Jason to a t.

While Jason’s striking resemblance to a plain-clothed Amish man is astounding and noteworthy, there are several other finer points that have me convinced that he possesses something greater, qualities that rightfully carry enough wonder to be called super powers.

He has never lost at tic-tac-toe. Not once.

In a game of pool at the bar down the street from my house, Jason and I were playing for the table against two obviously superior players. Guys with their own sticks and hand chalk and names like Carl and Bruce. The game was surprisingly close, each team with one of their own balls on the table and the eight ball. I was unable to bank our ball, leaving the other team with a perfect leave to finish the game. They were able to cleanly sink their last ball and had a clear shot at the eight. Bearded Jason looked over at me with a wink, crossed fingers on both hands, linked his arms under his raised left knee, and mumbled something under his breathe. The other team them proceeded to scratch on the eight ball. Bearded Jason later told me that he rarely uses the his super jinx against strangers, but he really wanted to play another game of pool.

If Portland had its own superhero, what would they be like?

If Portland were to have its own super hero in the same vain of super hero as say, the Green Lantern or the Incredible Hulk, I imagine someone like Bearded Jason wouldn’t do. And while a plaided out lumberjack with overalls might work for Eugene, Stumptown, at last to this urban transplant, seems to be a far cry from its logging industrial roots. Our super hero would need to be far more androgynous than a burly, bearded, barrel chested eight foot tall man in overalls. Obviously. Perhaps someone closer to David Bowie or Grace Jones, but without the flashy fashion sensibility, unless skinny jeans, converse, faux-hawks and black hoodies are flashy. And while I should never be hired to create super hero characters for Marvel, we could call ours Do-It-Yourself Dynamo and replace the scary Portlandia statue downtown (the that sort of looks like a young, beautiful devil) with a fifty-seven foot tall multi-tool.

What’s the best super power you can imagine? If you had that power, what would you do with it?

There was this Ducktales episode where Huey, Louie, and Dewey had this stopwatch that would stop time and they would be able to wreak all sorts of havoc while every one else in the world was frozen in that moment. I know that there are far more interesting super powers out there, like, you know, flying, but I always wanted the stopwatch power. If I had one, I’d probably bake a lot more, my garden would be in better shape, I’d learn how to break dance, read a few books a day, ride my bicycle everywhere, shower more often, maybe start a small farm. You know, simple things. Again, flying is way more exciting.

Who is your superhero?

There is this guy in Mexico City who wears a yellow lucha libre wrestling mask and red tights and goes by Superbarrio. Rather than going after crime rings, he uses this persona to organize labor rallies, protests, and petition drives which is arguably the same thing as going after crime rings.

Do you believe one person, superhero or not, can save the world?

If there are more Superbarrios and Bearded Jasons in the world, then, yes, absolutely.

From xkcd:

IwM (Interview with Myself)

Why did you decide to be a programmer?

I didn’t really ever make a conscious decision to become a programmer. When I was ready to finish college, I didn’t know what else to do, so I went into the Computer Science program at The Evergreen State College in Olympia. I was working for St. Peter’s Hospital and was seamlessly integrated into their IT department as a ColdFusion developer when I graduated. I discovered immediately how much I love programming.

What’s your favorite part of being a programmer?

I love so many things about programming. I love digging into a difficult problem with my headphones on, letting my brain light up in a thousand different colors and directions. I love when I have to really stretch my understanding into a new realm. It’s like a whole new set of doors pop open and I realize I can keep going, keep learning, keep discovering new and better ways to present and process information. I also love giving people tools to help them do what they need to do with more ease and enjoyment.

How has being a woman affected your career as a programmer?

I think I prepared myself well as a young person for the experience. I played tackle football and little league baseball when I was a kid and was always the only girl on the team. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to prove myself to my teammates and learned the hard way that no matter how good I was, the only person who was going to give me any props was myself. And so I realized how to recognize and appreciate the strengths that I offer, as a woman, to a field dominated by men. I have paid more attention to my interpersonal skills and used these to my advantage. I will never be “one of the guys”, but instead will have a unique set of characteristics that goes beyond my gender.

Do you have any advice for aspiring female programmers?

Hang in there. No matter what, there will always be men in the world who are threatened by your intelligence. You must recognize that these reactions to your ability have nothing to do with you. Find supportive people who can help you feel good about your work. Focus on being the best programmer you can be, rather than how you compare to other developers. Spread the love - whenever you have the chance, teach other people what you know. There’s no better way to learn and to become a better programmer!